Coupon Rant Catch-up

Am I the only one who is already (only two weeks in) fed up with all the hype about the New Year? Are you improving yourself? Are you on a diet? You should be. We should all be eating low-fat, low-calorie, low-carb, high-fiber, high-soy, high-antioxidant diets. Because that's what we're told. Oh, and don't forget your probiotics. Eat your daily Yo-Custard and you'll be instantly thin and healthy. Don't ask any questions about what's in it, where it came from, how far it was trucked, or what will happen to the cute little individual-sized carton when you're done.

Have you noticed that Yoplait got a makeover? Yeah, now it's hip. It's not Yoplait anymore... that might have been the "yogurt" (if they want to call it that, they can, but...) that your mother ate. No, the cool kids need something better, and that means nothing more than a change in name. Now it's YO. As in "Yo, Tiffany! Have U tried this? It's got 2 B good for U." Or some shit like that. So, eat one for breakfast, on your government-sanctioned race out the door to daycare or cubicle. If you aren't in a hurry, you're helping the terrorists.

At lunchtime, make sure you've packed your Sweet Sue canned Poultry Products. "Eating well never tasted so good!" Oh, yes it did. You know what tastes better than canned factory-farm all-white-meat chicken? Almost everything. If it's really all about convenience, pop a can of wild-caught Alaskan salmon into your lunch bag instead. Ah, but... that has flavor. Icky.

Then, for dinner you can serve up some of the Tyson's Heat 'N Eat Entrees. "Delicious homemade meals with less effort." Um... excuse me... but if it comes to the house in a plastic container, already cooked, it is NOT "homemade." That's home-warmed, perhaps. Call it what it is. And, hey, it comes in new varieties. Let's run out and get some... I've got a dollar-off coupon. Do U?

In the same set of coupons are many for hair color, hair shine-enhancer, foundation, and moisturizer. At the risk of being dull, I'll briefly remind everyone that eating well makes your hair shiny, your skin glowy, and if you eat enough real fats, you don't need to slather on moisturizer. But let's forget all that and just cover up the annoying symptoms of the SAD.

Last week's coupons included one that literally had me yelling. I was almost 'vapor-locked' but managed to work past that and express myself after all.
That's it.
There it is.
The culmination of the Western Diet. The artful combination of food science and technology, conveniently-overpackaged, microwavable, and chemically-enhanced to taste great. Fill that aching emptiness in your gut and your soul with creamy, addictive goodness. Now with Real Meat! You may need to click on the picture, to enlarge it enough that you can see the Real Meat. They are sort of meat sprinkles. Mmmm... meat sprinkles...
Now available in mega packs of 4XL single-servings. How convenient. I predict that they'll add extra calcium, maybe some omega-3s, and possibly even vitamin C within the next couple of years, and then it will be a health product.

Years ago, without even realizing, I took the red pill. I questioned the crap I was being told on TV and in print, I threw out the damn food pyramid and started eating food that really was food. Just because something is edible does not make it food. I'm awake now, learning how to feel good- to really, honestly feel good.
All this crap that's being marketed as food is just so many blue pills, keeping the masses asleep. Doze on, if you wish. It's certainly easier. Enjoy your time as a human battery for the Great American Machine. And, hey, you can get meat sprinkles.