What WOULD Bekki Eat?

Well, I'll start with what I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't eat margarine. Or tofu. Or lowered-fat anything. Olestra is right out. Hydrolyzed, isolated, evaporated, enriched, or chocolate flavored "phood" won't pass these lips.
What will I eat? Real food. Made-at-home food. Food that my great-great-grandmother could have made, if she had the money and the time. And if she hadn't been so busy trick-riding in a most unladylike way.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Can a mama get a beer?

It still surprises me how many of the people I suggest go gluten-free come back with the question "does that mean I can't drink beer?" It's probably second only to "but what will eat instead of BREAD?"
Luckily, it's a good time to be gluten-free. It is, after all, what all the cool kids are doing, so more and more replacement foods are being made available. And more and more breweries are doing their damnedest to make gluten-free beer.
Today we celebrated a Day of Debauchery and Gluttony, in response to our governor's ill-advised mixing of politics with religion, aka The Response, a day of fasting and prayer. We had a lovely, extravagant dinner, and then I indulged in a tasting of THREE gluten-free beers. Tee hee. I hope to get this all typed before I get too silly.

I realize now that perhaps a few photos would have really jazzed this up. Darn.

Anyway, thanks to my husband, it was a blind tasting (he wrote down which beer glass was on which coaster) so I could feel all scientific and such. My tasting terms leave a lot to be desired, but... I am who I am. And who I am is a laid-back beer lover who uses fancy words like "yum" and "tastes like beer." The latter is high praise for a gluten-free offering.

The line-up: New Grist, New Planet Tread Lightly Ale, and Bard's.

New Grist is growing in popularity, but not yet available here in Texas. I have to have family and friends bootleg it to me from Kansas whenever they pass through. It was the palest of the three, a lovely straw yellow, but had surprising caramel notes on the first few tastes. Very fizzy, after it warmed up just a bit I noticed a slight tartness, and then a very noticeable wine-like flavor. Not really high praise for a beer, but drinkable, and so much better than the widely-available Redbridge swill, that it was my 2nd favorite of the evening.

New Planet's Tread Lightly Ale was next, a shade darker than the New Grist. Let me just mention that New Planet has several gluten-free offerings, one of which has given me a new reason to live- Off Grid Pale Ale. But, that was not in the tasting tonight because, despite it's name, it is not "pale." I wanted to taste beers that were somewhat similar. The Tread Lightly had slight citrus, was sweet, and grew even sweeter with successive tastes. It had a lingering aftertaste that I can't say I really enjoyed. I wrote down that it tasted a touch like beery sweet tea. It got my lowest ranking. If I could have given it something lower than 3rd place, I probably would have. Still better than Redbridge. Then again, water is better than Redbridge.

I saved the darkest beer for last, assuming it might have a stronger flavor. And it kind of did. The Bard's had a slight flavor of char, which is a good thing in my book. I love grilled food, love the smell of woodsmoke and food grilling, and would burn cigars as incense if the stupid things would stay lit. Char goes a long way with me. It seemed to have a bit less complex flavor than the New Grist, but I still chose it as my favorite. The slightly darker taste makes it suit a wider variety of occasions. Since my favorite regular beer of all time is Guinness Extra Stout, and I particularly crave such in the depths of winter, I like a beer that might be able to stand in it's place. Bard's is nowhere near Guinness, but... of the three I tasted tonight, it's the closest.
Lucky for me, it's also the only one of the three that I can actually get my paws on here in Texas. Knowing that- that I blindly picked the one I can actually get- is priceless. Oh, and my gluten-vore husband declared the Bard's to be "the beeriest" of the three. High praise, indeed.

I love beer. I miss real beer. Every now and then I go crazy and have one and pay for it with aching joints for the next three days. I'm learning to love my gluten-free options and yearning for the day when I have the free time to tinker with some recipes on my own.

Sunday, January 30, 2011

I see stupid people.

I hope to blog more in 2011. I'll begin with a rant. (Please don't hurt yourselves as you climb back into your chairs after falling over in shock. You can't sue me for any damages caused by spitting coffee on your laptop, either.)

I hate ads.

Y'all might have noticed this.

Well, I don't hate all ads. I just... hate being manipulated. I hate being told what to feel and when to feel it. I hate the entire sheeple/herd mentality thang. Each month of the year seems to have it's own official, Buy-N-Large-sanctioned attitudes and goals. In case we don't catch on from TV ads, the coupon section of the paper lets us know what we ought to be eating, washing ourselves with, and longing for.

And I hate that. I'm a rebel at heart. I live with my low-level irritation toward advertising, only occasionally bursting forth with growls and epithets when I'm unable to ignore a TV commercial or coupon ad. The Sunday paper coupons are an especially-rich fodder for my rants. So, here goes....

See what's new from Kibbles 'n Bits. "The Bits make it better." This is just so stupid. First of all, the dog is just hungry. And possibly colorblind (I may need to check on that....) The dog would happily eat cat poop. I don't think the dog cares if his kibble has bits! I especially don't think the dog cares if his bits are colorful. And why on earth would the dog want them to be vegetable flavored?! Are we really so crazed with this our-dogs-are-our-babies psychosis that we think they need vegetables? Do wild dingoes feast on peas and carrots? I don't think so. It's just stupid.

"Catch a taste of the big game" says Cheez-It. Hmmm... assuming a game actually has a flavor, I think it would possibly be leather, dirt, grass, even blood. But not cheez. That's just stupid.

"Got a cold? Confused what to get" Robitussin actually paid people to develop a phone app to help people figure out which bottle of medicine to buy. Because, apparently, even after they paid the art department to develop helpful box graphics which clearly state in large, bright letters the symptoms treated by each particular bottle... it wasn't enough. People are slowly loosing their ability to read static print material. If it doesn't come in an app, it's too hard. And, yes, I realize the ad is telling about the app in static print. But fear not, there's a little picture widget thingy that you can take a picture of with your phone, which apparently will magically direct you to the app or website. What the hell? That's just stupid!

And finally... I've saved what I think is the most-idiotic, most-pandering, most-intelligence-insulting piece of marketing drivel for last. "His winning lineup (because it's almost the Super Bowl, so all advertising must be done in game language... how clever and original....) Strength for him, value for you."
Pardon my Valley Girl, but... gag me with a spoon.
I am insulted on so many levels. My feminist side is sputtering. My intelligent side is speechless. My hope-for-humanity side is in the corner, crying.
I took a Women's Studies class way back in college. My term paper was a comparison of the advertising in three different decades of Ladies Home Journal. I recall being jaw-droppingly aghast at the glaring "buy this so you can get married" theme behind all the stuff from the 40s. It got a little better in the 60s. Better still by the 80s. And now we seem to be headed right back in time. I *know* that the average coupon-peruser will skim right past all the sexism and stupidity in this ad line. But somewhere in their subconscious, it will lurk. And the constant barrage of similarly stupid, sexist ads really does add up. It becomes accepted. It becomes the norm. It shapes opinions, just like they want it to. They work really, really hard to direct our behavior, so I would prefer they at least be politically-correct with the brainwashing.

What's so bad about it? First of all, just the absurd notion that a man's choice in shaving razor does ANYthing beyond determining the amount of hair left on his face. Razors cut hair. That's it. They do not give you a better job. They do not give you skinny, busty women who caress your face. They certainly do NOT give you strength. That's just stupid. Secondly, I resent the assumption that only women are looking at the coupons. I hate the entire June Cleaver universe it implies. My life does not revolve around my man or his facial hair or his strength.

Ah, well. I do at least glean a little pleasure from knowing they do NOT have me pegged. That whole rebel thang. I am not skimming through the coupons, in search of value. No. I am looking for something to piss me off, so I can share it with you.

About Me

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Tejas, United States
I am many things... all at the same time. (No wonder I don't get much done!) I am a wife to a retired infantryman, mother of 3, stocker (and stalker) of the fridge, passionate fan of food, nutrition, ecology, coffee, wine, and college football. I love all things witchy and piratey. I often cook with booze. I feed stray cats. I don't believe in sunscreen. I don't like shoes and really hate socks. And I currently can't eat any gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, coconut(!?), or sodium metabisulfite (aw, shucks, no chemical snackies.) Sometimes even citric acid gets me. But only sometimes.