Coupon Rant, The Sixth

This week's rant comes through a thick fog of snotty-headedness. And crankiness about said snot. I hate being sick.

First... Pillsbury Simple Bake... for the incredibly lazy and unconcerned out there. "Pan included, ready to bake." Oh. My. Gods. How... I mean... but... really... are instant-brownies too hard?? Is measuring water, oil, and cracking an egg too much? Is that relegated to the realm of "baking" now? What's next? Someone to place the brownie in your mouth for you?? The pan is included... and then, I guess, thrown away. Because we don't generate enough trash as it is. We need to throw away a cardboard box, some plastic wrap, and then some sort of of oven-safe disposable pan?!?! Aaaaaaaaack! If you are somewhere with an oven, you likely have a sink as well. Wash a fucking dish.
Duncan Hines is doing it, too. Apparently there's a good market for it. Pillsbury has a better coupon, though. Stuff like this makes me hate my fellow humans.

And I thought January was the Official Weight Loss Month, as that's generally when every commercial and print-ad reminds us that we got fat over the holidays. But... it's February, and the ads are still all about heart health, low-fat crap, Nutri-System, and eat-more-veggies. I guess because so many of us are fat, we need more bombardment to get us to drop the pan of oven-ready brownies and grab a carrot stick. Now even Ty Pennington is in on the act. He's telling me to "Start a healthy habit today! Walk. Eat heart healthy foods. Ask your doctor if an aspirin regimen may be right for you." Bayer aspirin ad. Yeah. Good advice Ty, and you're qualified to give it because... um... let's see... ok, I give up. A few pages before the Bayer ad, I saw one for various "healthy" Campbell's products, with Toni Braxton's face plastered nearby, part of that red dress campaign... but it's actually relevant because apparently she survived heart disease. There's some sort of connection. I'm not finding any sort of connection with Ty Pennington. He had an appendectomy fairly recently, according to Wikipedia... but... um... he's not a doctor, and I doubt he ever even played one on TV. He's a carpenter, so if he wants to advertise headache medicine, or how Bayer really helps with the muscle aches after a hard day remodeling, well... that'd make sense. But since his similarities with Jesus end at the career choice, I think he should keep his medical advice to himself.

And, finally... today's WTF? Not really rant-worthy, just have to ask what they were thinking, or drinking, when they came up with the ad campaign: Irish Spring... been around forever, we all know what it is, and I guess maybe that's why they felt the need to jolt us out of our comfort zone.
"Smell like you're worth exploring."

Um...

And, what's coming out of the bottle? A rocky stream and some green hills. I think they're mixing their metaphor.