Coupon Rant

I didn't even have to look through the coupon packets for this morning's rant. It was served up for me in a bowl with a gleaming stainless steel spoon. Aaah, the American breakfast, thanks to Kellogg's.

The educational part of my rant can all be found here. It really is worth the read. (Oh, and not to endorse it, as it's made from wheat and thereby not really good for anyone, but Grape Nuts is the one big-brand non-extruded cereal on the market.) So, if you want to know the main reason why there is no boxed (or bagged) cold cereal in my house, click the link.

I'd like to throw out a token reminder that cereal, even with protein-added (and, ewwww, where'd that come from? Spray protein! Gross!) is still a very carbohydrate-drenched way to start the day. The majority of us don't need that. Your taste buds can and will change with time... I promise!

So, all that aside, it's time to get on to my big rant. Because abusing kids will always get me ranting. I'm sure if there were a poll asking what we thought most American kids eat for breakfast, the top three responses would be: cold cereal, Pop Tarts, and freezer pancakes/waffles. Blech. And what maladies do an increasing-number of American kids suffer from? ADHD and obesity.

I see the connection, and I'll bet you do, too.

So... the ad is for Kellogg's Frosted Mini Wheats. One of my favorite cereals from childhood. My own hyperactive, impulse-driven, inattentive childhood was driven by and literally revolved around sugar fixes. Anyway, personal-experience aside, let's see what the ad says...
"keeps 'em full. keeps 'em focused." (Keeps 'em from learning proper capitalization, apparently.)
"Frosted Mini Wheats cereal for breakfast improves your child's attentiveness nearly 20%*"

Oooh, let's just jump right ahead to that asterisked small print, shall we?

It says that number is based on a study comparing kids that ate the Mini Wheats with kids that ate no breakfast at all.

I repeat... no breakfast at all.

Yeah, I'll bet a fucking candy bar would keep kids more focused than no breakfast at all! That doesn't make it health food! Kids are growing rapidly, their bodies demand nutrients, if my half-wild kids are any example (and being unscheduled, I'll bet they are grand examples of natural impulses) they need food often. Even when that food is nutrient-dense and full of healthy fats to stick to their ribs. But especially when the food is the plasti-crap microwaved at the last minute because everyone's in a fucking hurry. So, yes, breakfast is important. How many kids are really going to school hungry?!? Why?!? Excluding the ones on ADHD medication, which suppresses the appetite to the danger point, aren't the other ones hungry? And if so, why isn't anyone feeding them? I'm not sure what I'd pick, if my choices were hunger or Mini Wheats, but most people don't know better... so bring on the Mini Wheats.

However, I do have to mention that estimates are currently at 1 out of 50 people of European descent being gluten-intolerant. Now, as mild as that sounds "intolerant", it's not just a case of a little gassiness, like lactose-intolerance. (Which can and does cause bigger damage as well.) Gluten-intolerance is serious business, and one of the many things it does is cause brain fog, inattentiveness, lethargy (or hyperactivity, strangely), impulsive behavior, schizophrenia and other mood disorders, anxiety, forgetfulness... and that's just the list of mental effects. For some it causes wracking stomach aches, migraines, bloody diarrhea, and more. Pour on a nice bit of homogenized, pasteurized factory-farm milk... and ooh, yummy, that's quite a breakfast.

So... maybe we should skip the Frosted Mini-Glutens, so we can skip the ADHD medication and have healthy kids.

What are we having for breakfast? The borracho beans that didn't cook in time for dinner, so instead slow-cooked all night. The Little Guy has had a hot dog and an apple. No idea when Fairy Child will get up. Oh, and if you are surprised that I let my kids eat "unhealthy" hot dogs... I'm not too-concerned about nitrates. You know what else is high in nitrates? Leafy greens. And everyone knows those are good for you.