What WOULD Bekki Eat?

Well, I'll start with what I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't eat margarine. Or tofu. Or lowered-fat anything. Olestra is right out. Hydrolyzed, isolated, evaporated, enriched, or chocolate flavored "phood" won't pass these lips.
What will I eat? Real food. Made-at-home food. Food that my great-great-grandmother could have made, if she had the money and the time. And if she hadn't been so busy trick-riding in a most unladylike way.

Sunday, February 10, 2008


I'm not feeling all that ranty this morning... hence the meh.

I don't feel up to raging against the medical-industrial complex. So, I'll just stick to pointing out stupid shit.

Tide (and not just Tide, no... 2X Ultra Tide, wowee!) now with... drumroll please, this is big news... Dawn StainScrubbers. That's right, folks, Proctor and Gamble caught on to the fact that mothers everywhere were using dish soap on stains. And decided to work that into a new product. That won't work any different than the old product.
First of all... I'd like to dispute the 2X Ultra thing. Are we actually using less now? Were were pouring in a gallon for each load back when I was a kid?? I don't remember doing that, and I did the family's laundry from the age of eight. But, laundry detergent has been getting more and more concentrated all this time... 22 years... by now we ought to be just adding a drop and watching the bubbles explode out of the machine.

But this Dawn thing... the StainScrubbers... while I believe it's possible that we've developed the nano-technology to create microbeads with a mission... I don't think we'd be able to afford it quite yet. I think we'll be focusing on more important applications for nanites for a while... medical stuff and, of course, the more-profitable war stuff. So, I don't trust the StainScrubbers to actually scrub the stains. That was the whole point behind what mamas have been doing all this time... scrubbing the stain with dish soap. Or hand soap. Or moisturizing antibacterial soap from a dispenser in the public bathroom. The point was... whatever you had on hand, even if it was iced tea or Coke... and then scrubbing. That's what helped the stain not set.

So, Proctor and Gamble... I'm not impressed. And I've got another complaint. Bring back NyQuil. The real NyQuil. I really hate the meth-heads that have messed it up for all of us... I'm guessing that's the reason the time-tested and much-loved formula was changed. The old stuff worked. It filled a niche, served a purpose, bridged a gap, whatever. Am I espousing an artificially-flavored-and-colored potentially-dangerous-and-abusable over-the-counter medication? You bet I am. Because sometimes, after the echinacea and zinc lozenges have failed, after the teas and honey and hot showers and obstinate-avoidance of harmful fever-reducers has left you Still Sick and very tired, with snot both stuck stubbornly inside all your crevices and annoyingly dripping down your throat and out your nose... you just want to fucking sleep! Sometimes sleep is the best medicine. And NyQuil provided that. It was "nighttime sniffling, sneezing, coughing, aching, stuffy-head, fever" so you can be completely comatose for eight hours medicine. It was wonderful. This new shit isn't. It doesn't work at all. I want the old stuff back. Stop trying to protect me from myself!!! If I want to boil it down and chemically-extract the ephedra (or whatever it is the meth-heads do)... that's my business. Don't punish the masses for the stupidity of the few.

And furthermore... just as a side note... stop insisting that my husband save the world based on which shaver he uses. Just because he happens to prefer the same razor that Tiger Woods advertises does not mean he has to show the world "how phenomenal he can be." Maybe he just wants an average day. And a good shave. Is that too much to ask? Or, too little, I suppose? Do we all have to be so hyped up on our energy drinks and so ambitious and wonderful all the time? Can't we just relax and spend the day playing video games?


1 comment:

Christopher said...

Consumer Rant is a fine cousin to Coupon Rant.

About Me

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Tejas, United States
I am many things... all at the same time. (No wonder I don't get much done!) I am a wife to a retired infantryman, mother of 3, stocker (and stalker) of the fridge, passionate fan of food, nutrition, ecology, coffee, wine, and college football. I love all things witchy and piratey. I often cook with booze. I feed stray cats. I don't believe in sunscreen. I don't like shoes and really hate socks. And I currently can't eat any gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, coconut(!?), or sodium metabisulfite (aw, shucks, no chemical snackies.) Sometimes even citric acid gets me. But only sometimes.