Bacon-Wrapped Potato

This was from April 6, 2008. It has pictures. Beautiful, bacony pictures. Why on earth did I never finish it? 
Mayhaps I was in a post-dinner pork coma?

Does life get any better than this?



Marinated, grilled Gulf shrimp, a big, buttery, fresh-green-onion-covered grilled potato... did I mention that it's wrapped in bacon?!

Superfood

Since everyone does it, I did too.
Way too much food, all of which can be eaten with one's fingers, lots of grease, and plenty of spice.

Superbowl food.

First Half:
Steak Bites (I deglazed my pan with a glug of beer)
Guacamole and chips
Bacon-wrapped grilled leeks
Garlic-bacon potato skins

Second Half:
Italian Drumettes (I used the Ro-Tel tomatoes with chiles, to add a kick)
Veggies and dip

It was a little bit tricky timing it all so that I could actually watch the game (strange, football-loving woman that I am,) but it worked out pretty well. And with food for both halves, we were able to munch without stuffing ourselves.

Fat-Free Vegan?

Bonus rant! (Warning, very offensive to people who like to get offended.)

So, I was innocently surfing through my Morning Coffee tabs this morning, when one of my favored food blogs showed a link to Fat-Free Vegan, a blog. And I snapped. I didn't even click on it, but I snapped. I'm sorry... I know how much vegetarians and vegans hate it when carnivores care what they do or don't eat. Normally I don't care. Normally I just eat what I eat and everyone else can do the same and I rant in my personal space and that's it.

But... I snapped.

Fat-free vegan? WTF? What do they eat? They don't eat nuts, obviously, because those have fat. They don't eat yummy avocados, because those have fat. They must eat carrot sticks and celery and... lettuce. Bunny food. They are at the bottom of the food chain. They are negating millions of years of evolution- so much hard work by countless generations of ancestors. All for what? Some uppity feeling of purity? What did they do that was so wrong, in this life or the last, that requires such a cruel penitence? Who were they? Are today's vegans all recycled S.S. soldiers? Were they gassing Jews for Hitler and have to cleanse their souls in this life?

I just don't understand.

So, naturally, I'm making bacon right now. A great big pan full of drippy bacon, happily roasting away in my fat-spattered oven, juices popping, formerly-alive cells bursting and caramelizing with tantalizing animal flavor.

Take that and stick it in your carrot-hole.

Anyway, back to evolutionary freakatude. (OMG, did you know freakatude is actually a word? I didn't.) 4 million years ago great-great-Grandpa Ape dropped down from his tree and wandered around a bit, looking for something to eat. He found the ocean. He caught a fish. He ate it, the delicious, healthy, nourishing fats went straight to his brain and it instantly got half a size bigger. He got a great idea to make a net and catch more fish. His family gorged themselves on delicious ocean animals and got so smart they became the kings and queens of apes. The cranky vegan apes climbed back up and lived in sterile little religious nut colonies, not having any babies, and soon died out.

How is it they've come back?

Fat-free vegan. What in the name of all that is yummy would provoke a person to do that to themselves? Do they think it will keep them healthy and strong? Because it won't. It will not. Unless they have some sort of freakish metabolic disorder whereby they cannot process fats... but even then, the body REQUIRES fat. It is not optional. The body will start stripping itself down for scrap, if it has to. That poor freak's brain will likely be the first to go- which is ok, since they aren't using it.

I just flipped my bacon. It's coming along quite nicely. Mmmmm... bacon...

I just really don't understand fat-phobe people. Seriously. They seem to all have a connection with religious-based self-mortification. The idea that we are inherently sinful and disgusting, and must be saved from ourselves. This seems to lead people to believe that any and all natural impulses can't be trusted. Humans LOVE fat. We crave creamy, buttery, juicy foods. So, these people rationalize those foods must be bad. Unhealthy. Sinful. And since when did unhealthy = sinful, anyway? So many people feel actual sin-type remorse if they eat the "wrong" thing or don't exercise that day. I just don't understand. Guilt serves no purpose.

God made bacon. How can people reject the gift?

Fat-free vegan. Not low-fat vegan... no, that's sooooo yesterday. Every self-loathing, unhappy emo kid does that. Fat-free. That's just... impossible. Even vegetables have waxy coatings to their cells. Every freaking living thing on the planet has some sort of fat in it. There's a reason for that. It's necessary for life. Especially in humans.

BTW... I can explain those feelings of self-loathing and depression... they stem from a lack of fat. Seriously. I became clinically depressed for several months following a bout of giardiasis (food poisoning, basically) that left me unable to digest much fat. It took me a year to recover. That's how important fat is.

I'm going to go eat my bacon now.

Everything Awesome

... roasted together in one pan. That's what I had for dinner tonight. What'd you have? Frozen pizza? Mac-and-cheez? I'm sorry for your loss. Oh, did I mention that the active time it took to prepare dinner was less than 15 minutes? I'm just rubbing grease in your wounds now, aren't I?

I apologize for the snarkiness above. It would seem I have a taunting reaction to meals loaded with yumminess.

I will have to wait to upload the photo evidence of tonight's ambrosia, as I am away from home and without my camera cable. (I actually thought to myself, while packing, "no, there's no reason I'd need that.") Little did I know that I would soon be seized once again with the urge to blog.

Without further nonsense... tonight's dinner. As usual, I don't know what to call it. It's based on a Nigella Lawson recipe (love her!) simply named One Pan Sage and Onion Chicken and Sausage. That's a heck of a name. Accurate. But long.
And I need to make it even longer, because I tweaked it. I added to it. I am pathologically incapable of following directions, it would seem. But I can't name it One Pan Garlic and Onion Chicken and Sausage with Potatoes and Tomatoes. That'd just be wrong.

So, in lieu of that, I'm considering Everything Awesome. Because that's what's in it. Take a look... I think you'll agree. Leave a comment and let me know.

Ingredients:
1 large onion, cut into 8 wedges
6-10 (or more) peeled garlic cloves, whole but smashed a bit
3-4 tablespoons bacon fat (was out of olive oil, this was definitely a yummy substitution)
1tablespoon mustard- Nigella calls for English, of course, I used spicy brown, because that's what was available
1 tablespoon dried sage or herby blend
1 tablespoon Worcestershire sauce (Lea & Perrins is gluten-free)
Freshly-ground black pepper
4-6 chicken thighs, bone-in, skin-on
About 1 pound sausage, cut into 3-inch lengths, if necessary
Some small red potatoes, cut into fourths (wedges)
A couple handfuls of fresh-picked homegrown cherry tomatoes (yeah, now I'm just bragging)

Mix all the seasonings and grease and onions and garlic in a ziploc, squishing it around. Add the chicken, squish some more, and refrigerate overnight, or at least a little while if this is a last-minute thing.
Preheat the oven to 425 degrees. Plop the ziploc ingredients into a big baking dish (I think I used a 9x13 Pyrex), nestle the sausage pieces in, and add the potato wedges. Try to coat the potatoes with a bit of the saucy goodness, or at least stick them next to sausages, to share the fatty love. Bake/roast for 1 hour and 15 minutes, turning the sausages over halfway through. If the potato wedges look woefully dry, add some juice from the pan, or drizzle a bit of bacon grease over them. (Tip: if you keep your bacon fat near the back of the stove it'll be liquid after 45 minutes of the oven being on. Easy to drizzle that way.)
Add the tomatoes, whole, near the end, with 15-20 minutes left.

Dig in. Serve with a salad, if you feel guilty.

Bacon Weaving

Y'all probably never thought you'd see a subject line like that, did you?

No, I haven't lost my mind. I saw a picture online a few days ago, of someone else's woven bacon, and I was inspired.
Mother's Day isn't a day off for me, so... since I'm going to be cooking anyway, I might as well make it fun. And weaving bacon is fun! At first I tried to justify it, postulating that perhaps it would cook more-evenly, or be easier to flip during cooking. The truth of the matter is, I like to play with my food. And not even Martha Stewart would weave her bacon. A chance to one-up The Woman is always appreciated.

To begin, lay out strips of bacon... these are actually too far apart, as I was picturing the whole thing wrong in my head. You want them right next to each other. This was just plain ol' Oscar Meyer bacon... "America's Favorite" or whatever. I prefer a snooty applewood-smoked bacon, but, this is pretty tasty.

There really isn't a need to weave efficiently... it's not that big of a project where time-saving tips matter. However, after the first couple of cross-pieces are placed, you can flip up the ones that need to go on top, lay down the new piece of bacon, and then flip them back down. It's easier than doing over-under, over-under with limp meat.
Before you even know it, you're done!



Here it is, ready to go into the oven, I inverted the cooling rack over the bacon, and flipped the whole thing, including the cutting board. It worked well, to keep things from getting rearranged.

Now that I think about it, I guess I could have easily done the weave directly on the rack. Oh, well.

375-ish, 10 minutes per side, two flips, for a total of about 30 minutes. My oven is possessed by an obnoxious demon, however, and doesn't keep an accurate temperature, so... your mileage will certainly vary.

A work of art

I used kitchen shears to cut it into serving sizes, because it wasn't crisp enough to break. I would have liked it much crisper in the middle... next time I'll try broiling at the end. Maybe a chunk of time at a lower heat would bake some of the extra grease

Woven bacon, real champagne... life is good.

Grilled Pork Chops

Heavenly... grilled pork chops, braised chard with onions, and crispy-fabulous bacon-wrapped leeks. The one on the right was out-of-this-world good.

We've finally hammered out the best way to do the leeks. Cut any huge ones in half lengthwise (have to anyway, to get 'em clean), wrap with one strip of bacon apiece, and wrap individually in heavy duty foil, like little tootsie rolls.
Grill about ten minutes over high heat, flip over, grill about 10 more minutes. Kinda depends on individual grills, I suppose, and the size of your leeks.

Masterful

Last night's dinner... which the Grill Geek graciously prepared, despite it being the last hours of the Masters golf tournament.

Grilled strip steak... Sidedish (with red bell peppers for a delicious twist), and Bacon-Wrapped Leek. One leek. It was ginormous. I had to bend it around double to fit half of it on my plate. I love the char on that potato on top of my Sidedish. Mmm, mmm, good. And, in case you were wondering, that is not iced tea in the glass. That is bourbon. It was delicious, much-needed, and the reason I didn't get around to posting this last night.

A close-up of the bacon-wrapped leek. The Grill Geek wrapped it in foil, to prevent burning and huge bacon-fat-fueled flare ups. It took longer than we expected to get "done." But... I am left speechless by the delicious divinity of this dish. I made noises while eating. Again.

Get Yer Goat!

I am now converted... I love goat.

The Grill Geek had some sort of goat years ago, at a Jamaican restaurant. He loved it. I was a bit more leery, but... as we've been eating all sorts of weird things lately, decided we'd get some as soon as we could. On a recent trip to the farmer's market in Austin, the opportunity arose. They were out of ground meat, so we opted for steaks. They were called something else, but looked like itty bitty t-bones. I handed them over to the Grill Geek as a totally-not-surprising Iron Chef Grill ingredient.
He worked wonders.



Pandering to the judge is always welcome, so he wrapped things in bacon. The bottom left of the photo shows unidentifiable blobs that I will tell you are bacon-wrapped tomatoes . He thickly-sliced some fresh, local (greenhouse) tomatoes, wrapped them in bacon, and grilled away. They looked like a bit of a pain in the arse, but they tasted FABULOUS. Anyway, back to the rest... hot dogs at top left, "for the kids", smallish pieces of goat in the middle, fat green onions, then bigger pieces of goat.
He also grilled some asparagus (simply toss with oil and salt and it becomes pure joy.)


The joke was on us. Both children devoured every scrap of goat we were willing to toss their way. No one got enough. The hot dogs were utterly ignored. The tomatoes were melty-juicy-tart inside crisp-salty... wow. Goat tastes like buttery bambi-beef. So juicy. So meaty. So good.

Iron Chef Mom goes Hawaiian

This has to be my favorite failure ever.
I went way over on my time, thanks to not remembering to thaw my shrimp ahead of time, not delegating effectively to my sous chef, and getting too much "help" from the Little Guy. Excuses, excuses... I failed.

And that's ok. Because dinner was absolutely fabulously delicious beyond all reason. The secret ingredient was pineapple! Too fun!

The Menu:

Bacon-wrapped, rum-soaked pineapple slices

Spicy grilled shrimp

Thai stir-fried rice

Roasted pineapple and avocado salad

Tortuga Twister

Bacon Wrapped Rum-Soaked Pineapple

(does it get any better than this?)

¼ cup dark rum
1/2 pound (or so) thin cut bacon
Slices/chunks of fresh pineapple

Soak pineapple in rum, 15 minutes or so. Wrap pineapple slices with bacon and secure with a toothpick (or not... I didn't bother, probably should have). Broil in oven until bacon is browned and cooked (8 minutes each side worked for me.) It's like bacon candy. Seriously. Wow.

Spicy Grilled Shrimp

1 pound large raw shrimp, peeled

about 2 tablespoons Worcestershire sauce
several hard shakes garlic Tabasco
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon sweet Hungarian paprika
1 teaspoon dried thyme

Marinate shrimp about 15 minutes... grill. Out of this world incredible!

Thai Stir Fried Rice and Pineapple

3/4 cup pineapple, in small chunks
1 teaspoon grated ginger
2 jalapeño peppers, chopped
1/2 teaspoon dried cilantro
¼ cup chopped onion
¼ cup red bell pepper, chopped
3 cloves garlic, coarsely chopped
1 tablespoon of fish sauce
1 tablespoon tamari (soy sauce)
½ teaspoon sugar
1 cup of cold, steamed Thai jasmine rice
coriander leaves as garnish

Put the pineapple in a bowl and add the jalapeño, ginger, and cilantro, mix and set aside. Add a pinch of salt to bring out the juice. In a wok, heat about a tablespoon of oil stir and fry the bell

pepper and onion about 3 minutes. Add the garlic and stir quickly, until it barely begins to brown. Add the rice and stir thoroughly. Add the fish sauce and sugar and continue stirring. When the rice is heated through, add the pineapple mixture and stir until thoroughly heated through.

I didn't expect to like the sweetness of pineapple in fried rice, but it was fabulous. The two peppers were just the right amount of heat for me... which means not all that much. I'm a weenie these days.

Roasted Pineapple and Avocado Salad

The creamy avocado really works magic in this salad. Once again, I was surprised by how much I liked the sweet pineapple in a dish I traditionally enjoy savory. I think the next time I make this (and, oh yes, there will be a next time) I will add crumbled bacon. I think that roasty, salty flavor
would make it perfect.

• About 1 cup fresh pineapple, cut into 3/4-inch chunks

• 1/2 teaspoon light brown sugar

• salt

• 1 1/2 tablespoons extra-virgin olive oil

• 1 1/2 tablespoons balsamic vinegar

• 1 Hass avocado, cut into 3/4-inch chunks
  

• 1 head red leaf lettuce

• Freshly ground pepper

• Lime wedges, for serving

1. Preheat the oven to 400°. In a medium bowl, toss the pineapple with the brown sugar and 1/2 teaspoon of salt. Spread the pineapple on a baking sheet and roast in the upper third of the oven for about 10 minutes, or until softened and just beginning to brown.

2. In a medium bowl, whisk the olive oil with the vinegar. Add the lettuce, season with salt and pepper, and toss. Sprinkle the avocado chunks with lime juice, to prevent browning. Transfer the salad to plates, top with the pineapple and avocado, and serve.

Tortuga Twister

1 oz white rum
1 oz Sailor Jerry (spiced rum)
1/2 oz Amaretto
1/2 oz Orange Curacao/Triple Sec
4 oz grapefruit juice, fresh-squeezed
splash of grenadine

Shake rums and amaretto with ice. Pour into a hurricane glass half filled with ice. Top with and grenadine. Garnish with a pineapple stick* and an umbrella or pirate sword. Arrrrr! (Tortuga!)

* a pineapple "stick" is merely a piece of the hard core, cut into a stick-ish shape, for garnishing goodness.

Iron Chef Grill!

It was finally time for my husband, the Grill Geek, to join the ranks of the Iron Chefs. Cooks of culinary genius, specially-selected for their skills... or something like that. Yeah, he wanted in on the fun. I admit to delaying his debut because I was positively stumped as to what sort of Secret Ingredient I should get. But, finally, I put it on the weekly menu, I was forced into it. I had to think of something!

I got smart. I did a little research. I decided on my top three ideas and headed off the store.

Nada.

And shopping with a caffeinated, balloon-wielding three-year-old means mama don't go to Other Stores. That level of shopping is reserved for People Without Children. That's why I generally send the Grill Geek out for the shopping... the kids don't demand to go along with him.

Anyway, so I was stuck in a disappointing meat section (because of course the first Secret Ingredient will be meat!) and finally settled on the cliche of grilling... skirt steak. Ho-hum.

Well, that was the last time any "ho-hum" touched that meat.

I actually moaned with pleasure during dinner.

Several times.

Luckily the children didn't notice. They had wolfed down their boring ol' hot dogs and run off.

The Rules of Iron Chef Grill:
- 1 hour of active cooking time (like Iron Chef Mom, this first episode allowed 90, next he'll get 80, and so on.) This means there's time for marinating and unattended smoking.
- must provide something for the kids, but it needn't be the Secret Ingredient
- must be fairly original recipes (although I realize meat + fire has been done before)
- at least the main course plus 1 side dish must be entirely grilled

Now for pic goodness:

Chopping half a red bell pepper, for the Fajita Salad. He also chopped an onion, and threw that in a foil packet with the bell pepper. The poblano half went directly on the grill. Mmmm...

Once it was charry and delicious, it was diced, and tossed onto fresh Texan baby greens.




Now this... I can't tell you marvelously delicious a butter-rubbed, bacon-wrapped grilled potato is.

But I made noises.

I mean... the salty, crispy bacon and potato skin... I could happily eat one every day forever.

Hard to blog with visions of bacon-potatoes dancing through my head.

He sliced the skirt steak into almost-bite-size pieces (my one complaint...) and tossed it on the salad. The dressing, which also provided the marinade, was put on the grill to melt and meld and steal some smoky goodness.

The dressing/marinade:

½ cup olive oil, couple spoons bacon fat
¼ cup tamari
2 spoons chopped garlic
1/4 c. Worcestershire sauce
1/8 c. soy sauce
2 decent globs dijon
juice of 1 ½ limes
a little salt
1/8 teaspoon spicy paprika
teaspoon cumin

Om a-nom, nom, nom.

And then... dessert! Grilled Bananas In Orange Sauce.

2 Bananas
½ Orange, juiced
½ cup orange curaco/ Grand Marnier
1 tbsp butter
sugar
ground cinnamon

Cut bananas lengthwise. lightly stir all other ingredients together. Grill bananas for a couple minutes per side, chop into inch-long chunks, then place into mix. Let Pyrex cook up on grill for about 15 minutes, stirring occasionally. Serve.

Guacamole of the Gods

Sooo... I fried up some bacon earlier... in my stainless-steel pan, for a change. And I was left with stuck-on bacony goodness. What to do? My planned lunch didn't need any bacon (odd, I know.) A beautiful idea began to form... boozey, bacony guacamole. I could deglaze the pan with tequila... and add that to the guacamole... and be in heaven.

So, I did it. And I am.

Here's the sort-of recipe:

An avocado, quite ripe and smooshed up in a bowl
Juice from 1/2 a lime, squeezed over smooshed avocado
2 heaping spoonfuls of salsa verde (don't use regular salsa, the resulting guac looks like vomit)
several shakes of green Tabasco
stuck-on bacony goodness (not in a non-stick pan)
1 shot tequila
Grey salt, to taste

While the pan is still hot, or after you've gotten it hot again (about medium heat, don't want to catch anything on fire), toss in the shot of tequila. Whisk FAST to loosen the bits of bacony goodness. Pour the bacony booze (already reduced to about half) into the bowl with the avocado. Stir everything together, sample, and tweak seasonings.

Next time I think I'll include crumbled bacon. The bacon flavor is kind of lost, although I think the tequila adds divinity.

Magic Bacon

My daily astrology email told me to take it easy this morning... and indulge... not try anything strenuous until the Moon was no longer Void and moved into Sagittarius. So I did. When the Cosmos speaks, I listen. Well, when it says something I like, anyway.

I made everything-free French toast and bacon. I used my ol' standby Almond Rice bread, dipping it in a custard of egg and coconut mik, with vanilla and cinnamon. Topped off with maple syrup and shredded coconut. It looked better than it tasted. Damn Cosmos.

I couldn't get a picture of the bacon, because it disappeared. I cooked an entire pound and got two slices, eaten while still scorching hot. The rest went into my hubby and 2-year-old. Mostly into the 2-year-old. He really likes bacon.

Onions and Garlic in Bacon Fat

First, the bad news.

It's really only bad news to me, but I am allergic/sensitive to/intolerant/angry at the very existence of sulfites.

I used to have rather strong opinions about people who complained that they couldn't drink red wine, because of the sulfites. "What kind of weanie can't handle an inocuous food additive?"

This kind of weanie.

Maybe it's just temporary, that's my mantra. From what I've read, it often is a build-up sort of thing. I've been using a LOT of canned coconut milk and cream recently, and it all had sodium metabisulfate. This whole allergy/sensitivity/intolerance THING that exploded in the last few weeks is teaching me more than I ever wanted to know. Thanks for the learning opportunity, oh wondrous Universe.

So, from Second Breakfast on through about 4:30, I was in a funk and a fog. Lunch was leftover chili. Dinner was supposed to be lasagna... with tofu instead of ricotta for me. But I was in no condition to be testing the possible soy allergy, so... it was changed to some sort of pasta. I didn't want a meat sauce, as that would too-closely resemble the chili that was still giving me heartburn. Hubby saved the day with the suggestion of the remaining bacon... and it all came together. That's the good news. Even in a world tipped on it's side, (as ours most certainly must be if I cannot have cream in my coffee) there is still the glory of onions and garlic in bacon fat.

That's how the "sauce" began. Then I plunked in about 3/4 a can of petite diced tomatoes, some chicken broth (would have used white wine, but didn't have any sans sulfites, grrrrr), and let that simmer while the brown rice pasta cooked.

By the way... if for any reason you venture into the realm of alternative pastas, do not bother with anything but Tinkyada for rice pastas. And even their penne and linguini fall flat. I have actually met Mr. Lundberg of Lundberg Farms (rices and pastas). He is a charming, generous, sincere man. He farmed ecologically before it was cool. But his rice pasta sucks.

Oh, and no, I don't leave my pasta sticking up over the water like that. I just thought it was pretty for the picture. Behind that is the chicken stock that I'll probably talk about tomorrow.

So... things are simmering... dinner needs a vegetable, so I sauteed some green beans in bacon fat. With a bit of grey salt they are just divine. Tossed the pasta in the sauce, topped with sliced kalamatas and the cooked bacon... dinner is done. And delicious.