Sunday Coupon Rant

First, a quick catch-up, since I've lagged in posting.

Friday night's dinner was tacos. This was the best picture I could get:

They were nummy. We used organic blue corn shells, which didn't stay as crisp (despite crisping up in the toaster oven), but were actually easier to eat, thanks to that. They didn't break with every bite.

Oh, did I forget to mention? I can have corn now!! Well, maybe. Not too much. Just every few days. And no corn syrup.

Then, the Gluten Eaters got to have this with dinner (chili) last night:

Crispy, goeey, lovely quesadillas. I hate them. The Gluten Eaters, not the quesadillas.

Ok, now that I've gotten you caught up, it's time to welcome you into a lovely family tradition. My Sunday Morning Coupon Rant. It's simple, really, and the hubby says it's entertaining. I calmly flip through the coupons in the paper, in case there's somehow actually one I can use, and then explode with screaming when I come across Really Stupid new products.

What's not to love?

I'll start with one that almost snuck by me... Shake and Pour Bisquick. (Not a very good link, but I wanted to give you something.) "Just add water." And shake. Because STIRRING was too hard?!?! Because it's GOOD to waste extra packaging that we all KNOW won't be recycled just so people can don't have to dirty a bowl? Because real pancakes are, of course, way too hard. Flour, baking powder, and eggs are luxury items.

How proud folks must feel... special occasions are so much easier now. "Look! Mommy COOKED!"

What's next? Microwave pancakes? So we don't have to dirty a griddle?? Whoops... yes... apparently they've already got them.

Y'all can't imagine how big I am scowling and rolling my eyes.

Does anyone know how to cook anymore? I don't mean the stupid ego-puffing, soul-demeaning, gut-busting, nutrientless meal-in-a-box insta-crockpot CRAP that masquerades as cooking. I mean COOKING. Not assembling. Making a meal from food.

I hope I anger people. I hope I get on someone's nerves by saying this. Because it needs to be said. If all you have to do is add water and stick it in the microwave YOU ARE NOT COOKING. It is NOT FOOD. Admit that. If you're ok with that, with eating that way and feeding your family that way, fine. Your choice. But at least call it what it is. It is NOT cooking.

Next on my list of stupid things is Wanchai Ferry dinner kits. Mainly because the ad was dumb.

"Amazing Chinese. Created by You." Dude, it's a kit. You're assembling dinner, not creating it. Your participation is once again limited to cutting the chicken (I am impressed that they think people still know how to do that), and warming the ingredients. That's not "creating."

I dunno... that's a bit of stretch to gripe about, but I'm already in a bad mood this morning, so I'm griping about everything.

My last one is a bit lame, too, but I'm going to do it anyway. Glade Air Infusions... let me begin by saying I hate air sprays. If your house smells that bad, DO something about it. Seriously. Maybe I'm just sensitive because I'm allergic to a lot of inhalants, but... really. Do sickly-sweet flowers really blend well with the smell of poop? Because I know that's where a lot of folks use these sorts of things- in the bathroom. You poop, you flush, you spray fake flowers. Why not just turn on the vent? (Or change your food so your poop smells better...)

And, when I'm feeling particularly conspiracy-minded, it's easy to convince me that these ubiquitous air sprays have Stuff in them that make people dumb. Stuff that makes them believe that adding water = cooking.

But, what caught my attention this morning was the top corner of the coupon ad. "Look for NEW Vanilla Mint Creme (fragrance) during the holiday season!" Vanilla Mint Creme is now the official smell of the holidays? Since when? Was there a symposium? I thought the government-sanctioned, advertiser-agreed Official Smell of the Holidays was cinnamon bun. Or pumpkin pie. Crap... maybe they've been changing it and didn't tell me. I need to know what to smell like!! Please, agree and tell me!!! AAaaaaaaaaack!

I need an emoticon here. Do blogs get emoticons?

Ooooh, wait, we have a last-minute entry! Ronzoni Smart Taste Pasta. Even google was surprised by the dumb name and had other suggestions for me. No, it really is named Smart Taste. The picture is a a mom, I suppose, dressed horribly (she didn't eat the pasta, I guess), trying to kiss some pasta that apparently just graduated. She's got her eyes closed, though, so it's a rather passionate kiss for a mama to be giving her kid.

Anyway... Smart Taste pasta. It has lots of fiber and some calcium... that's why it's smart. What does smart taste like, y'all? I guess I don't know. I think they really missed the boat on this one. If you're going to be following empty food trends, you really need to focus in on what consumers want most. If you're going to give it a name like "Smart" you need omega-3s. They are all the rage these days, and are actually somehow related to being smart.

Ugh.

So, that's it. That's my rant. Now I'm going to go COOK some breakfast. No water added, and the microwave (that I'm ashamed to admit I own) won't be involved. As usual.