What WOULD Bekki Eat?

Well, I'll start with what I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't eat margarine. Or tofu. Or lowered-fat anything. Olestra is right out. Hydrolyzed, isolated, evaporated, enriched, or chocolate flavored "phood" won't pass these lips.
What will I eat? Real food. Made-at-home food. Food that my great-great-grandmother could have made, if she had the money and the time. And if she hadn't been so busy trick-riding in a most unladylike way.

Sunday, December 20, 2009

No coupons?

I get all ready to make my bloggy comeback, and there are no coupons? What is wrong with this world? C'mon... kill ten thousand trees to print up toxicly-inked incitements that convince me I am an inferior mother because I don't gas my kids with Lysol when they come in from playing in dirt. (Dirt... ew... it's so... dirty.) Is this a Christmas reprieve for my ego? Will they recommence the assault on my sanity on the 27th? Or wait until the new year? Let us not forget that we will need to be bombarded with reminders that it's time to make our New Year's Resolutions. If we somehow weren't reminded, we might not only forget that it was a new year, but also forget that it's time for our annual self-loathing to begin and self-punishment to ensue. So, I certainly hope they don't leave us hanging for long. If the coupons don't return on the 27th, we'll be 3 whole days into the new year before we have our bright, colorful, low-fat instructions.

I do think they need to figure out just exactly what they want us to do. They seem to give mixed messages. On the one hand, we've all learned from commercials and coupons and print ads that fresh baked cookies = love. If I don't have a plateful of sugar for my children on a regular basis, they will grow up believing their mother didn't love them. They make it perfectly clear. And holidays will be remembered with tears in therapy if I don't include lots of rolls from a tubular can. But then they also want us to all lose weight. You can't have it both ways! I can either love my family or have them be thin. And I absolutely cannot love them at all unless I've been pampering myself properly. That requires layers of body products that mostly smell like all the food I'm not allowed to eat. Vanilla volumizing shampoo, chocolate mint intensive conditioner, berries-and-cream anti-wrinkle moisturizer, probably some sort of grape-extract eye-lifter or whatever other goop a dutifully-young-looking mother ought to use.

But if I did all that, there's always the risk that my poor starved children would eat me.

I'd better start baking some cookies.

2 comments:

grippingthewheel said...

Hmmm...I often wonder if the coupons guide my purchases. And yes, they do occasionally. And then there is the top secret inner cackle when the Couponer (trademark pending)is standing on line behind a witless consumer sans coupon. Bwahhhhaaaha. A newspaper and scissors provides weekly entertainment and a glimpse deep into the black heart of Parade Magazine Consumerism. Being manipulated so easily by state college Marketing majors is almost funny. Almost dam funny.

Coupons. Coupons. Coupons Rock. Repeat.

Kelly said...

I rarely bother with coupons anymore. I buy what I usually buy, and yes, I have occasionally been influenced by coupons in the past.

I may lose a dollar or two here and there, but at least I am not tempted to buy some crappy processed stuff.

A year or so ago there was a coupon for a "really good deal" on Velveeta. I hadn't eaten Velveeta since I was a kid, and then it was at neighbors houses.

Seduced by their commercials about how well it melted, and the coupon, however,I bought some, and made nachos. Yuck! It was okay for the first bite or two, but then congealed into this orange plastic with a vague cheese flavor.

I now pretty much stick to my philosophy that if it didn't come out of an animal, or out of the ground in about the same shape it is when I eat it, it isn't good for me, and if it does, it is. Fat and all.

About Me

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Tejas, United States
I am many things... all at the same time. (No wonder I don't get much done!) I am a wife to a retired infantryman, mother of 3, stocker (and stalker) of the fridge, passionate fan of food, nutrition, ecology, coffee, wine, and college football. I love all things witchy and piratey. I often cook with booze. I feed stray cats. I don't believe in sunscreen. I don't like shoes and really hate socks. And I currently can't eat any gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, coconut(!?), or sodium metabisulfite (aw, shucks, no chemical snackies.) Sometimes even citric acid gets me. But only sometimes.