Cornbread

I've finally made a good gluten-free cornbread!

Ok, I'll need to back-up a bit. You see, cornbread is a highly-charged issue in some areas of this great nation... enough to cause another civil war (or War of Northern Aggression, according to some of my in-laws.)

Yes. My mother-in-law, bless her heart, is a Kentuckian. Born and bred in Louisville, the northern-most bastion of The South. And, that would be Loe-ah-vuhl. Not Loo-is-vill. Get it right, Yankees.

I hail from Dorothy-Land. I was born in Texas, so I have dual citizenship, but my folks moved back to the Tornado Central soon afterward. I'm a Midwestern girl, not a Southerner. I walked blindly into marriage, not knowing about the Great Cornbread Divide. The basics of the battle are: some like it sweet, some would like to choke you until your eyeballs pop out and your head explodes if you add any sugar to that batter.

So, there you go. I felt it necessary to explain things a bit. Now, to make matters worse, I have to make mine gluten-free. Gluten itself doesn't play a big part in cornbread, but pretty much all standard recipes do call for wheat flour. I tried a few mixes... which all were apparently aimed at mimicking the Jiffy corn muffin mix that is available everywhere south of the Mason-Dixon. Which is odd, because there are plenty of Southern mamas that are decidedly in the choke-you-till-you-die camp. And the Jiffy mix is sweet.

I didn't like those mixes. (I did like the Jiffy mix. Sssshhhh! Don't tell my MIL, please!)

So, tonight, I got out my big, black baking binder. (I keep printed out recipes in binders... one for baking/breakfasty things and one for dinner-type stuff.) I turned to the "Breads" section... noticeably bare these days. There were three recipes for cornbread. That's all. Hmph... I have some more explorative baking to do. Anyway, one of the recipes I've already tried. It sucked. Why is it still here? Moving on... another has been in this binder, untried, for years. Again, why is it here?? Oh, well. The last is handwritten. On notebook paper. By my mother-in-law.

She's from Kentucky. She knows her cornbread.

Ok, I'll give it a shot.

I've made it before, with wheat flour, and it was good. Let's see... what could I substitute for the wheat? One of the many problems facing the gluten-free baker is the long list of alternative flours to choose from. Moving away from gluten really isn't restrictive, there are a dizzying number of options, that only the skilled baking-science expert could properly choose from.

So, I shrugged and said "Let's try sorghum."

I think I remember something about Southerners using sorghum syrup back before mass marketers took over the world and groceries became cookie-cutter consistent from Maine to Alabama. So... that must mean sorghum grew well down South... so maybe they used the flour, too. Maybe I'm being all historical and recreationist. Cool.

I baked it... I tasted it... it's goooood. Here's the recipe:

Country Cornbread

1 1/2 cups cornmeal (some say true Southerners eschew yellow, my MIL said nothing about the color)
3/4 cup sorghum flour
1 tsp salt
2 1/2 tsp baking powder (I heaped mine, to help the gluten-less flour rise, no science behind it)
2 eggs, beaten (poor eggs!)
1 1/2 cups milk (I used half hazelnut, cuz that's what I had, and half chicken stock... cuz... why not?)
6 Tbspns shortening (bacon grease, palm shortening, NO trans fats!)

Heat shortening in cast iron skillet (I put the shortening in the skillet in the 400-degree oven before I measure and mix. You want the iron hot, then tip the skillet a bit to coat the sides.)
Combine dry ingredients
Beat eggs with milk
Add milk mixture to dry mixture
Add hot fat to cornbread (stir, of course)
Pour into hot skillet
Bake about 25 minutes, until a little brown on top.

Slather with salted butter. (If you've never paid attention to whether or not your butter is salted, it probably is.)

By the way... don't worry, I am not completely crazy. Partly maybe. Not more than half. Anyway, my mother-in-law does NOT read blogs. She doesn't really even get online. She has one of her minions, er... kids/husband print interesting things off for her.

If one of them somehow stumbles across this page, pretty please don't print it off for her. She cooks better than me and always has. I bow to her greatness.

Sunday Coupon Rant

The Grill Geek always knows it's time for me to blog when he hears "That's retarded!" or something similar on a Sunday morning.
Yes, I always go straight for the ads and coupons, digging them out of the thick stack of newspaper. I sort through first... building the ranty anticipation. How many packets of coupons will I get? I've actually had one morning when there were none. I was so disappointed. Some weeks, generally right before Thanksgiving and Christmas, there are 5. This morning I had three... that's about average. On particularly-dull mornings, I'll go ahead and scan through the Walgreens and CVS ads, to see what oddities they're offering. Today I think I've netted enough righteous indignation from the coupons alone.

Campbell's Chunky Fully Loaded "Feed your NFL size hunger!" it says. Do you know why you have an NFL size hunger? Anyone ever question why it is that humans, able to survive and evolve for millenia on just what they could hunt and forage, are now sitting on couches all day and yet starving? MSG.

Speaking of which, y'all should probably sit down for this one... New "Great taste that's better for you" Choice Ramen. 80% fat free and 25% less sodium, in three mind-numbing flavors. The picture shows a bowl of better-for-you noodles topped with slivers of actual vegetables and what I think is sliced chicken. A leaf of parsley lets you know how healthy it is.
Ramen is not food, folks. Seriously. I don't understand the appeal, personally... I never had the typical ramen phase in college. I ate donuts instead, so I'm not trying to act superior. I know many otherwise-intelligent people who like ramen and eat it even when they could afford real food.
Tyson any'tizers... hot wings or chicken fries. In case there were any Americans left that thought there were set times of day for eating (or worse, times when one should stop eating), Tyson has thoughtfully liberated them from the constraint. Any'tizers... so you can eat trans-fatty breaded factory farm chicken whenever your MSG-induced pre-diabetic feeding frenzy tells you to. Don't forget to offset the calories with a diet soda.

Flipping through the pages of coupons I see a bombardment of products aimed at rectifying dry skin, failing eyesight, low libido, dandruff, and greasy kitchens. How folks' kitchens get greasy confounds me, since no one actually cooks anymore. If they did grease up their kitchens more often, they wouldn't need the rest of the crap. (Nor would they need the elastic-waist pants and mu-mus that fill the rest of the pages. Not sure how the Wizard of Oz figurines figure in.)

And finally, the thing that made me yell "that's retarded!"

Puffs, with the scent of Vicks.

The scent. I guess that's the official smell of sickness (beyond the sharp twang of bile, that is)... Vicks. Does a scented tissue actually help anything? Does anyone have tissues on their nose long enough to get a medical benefit from the smell? I just... don't understand.

Turkey Posole

Tonight's dinner comes to you courtesy of Beef Short-Ribs That Refused to Thaw. Yes, indeedy. Thankfully, I have an ever-present plethora of Leftovers in my fridge, so there was no emergency.

Oh, and if any of my dear readers wonder why on earth I didn't just "nuke" the short-ribs, well... you must be strangers and I'd really like you to drop me a line, letting me know how you found my blog.
The rest of y'alls must know that I do not and will not use a microwave. Everyone don your tinfoil hats, please. Microwaves are evil.

Ok, on we go to the food... I had leftover turkey from the first Iron Chef Mom night, I have an eternal supply of chicken broth, and the superfecta of aromatics is always on hand. (Onion, celery, carrot, and garlic.) Perfect! I can fudge the rest.

Turkey Posole, Gringo-Style

1 shot of sotol, in a glass, over ice, with a brief splash of plain seltzer
2 Tbsns fat... bacon for flavor, coconut for immune-boosting lauric acid, olive oil, if you insist
1 onion, diced
1 carrot, diced
1 stalk celery, diced (see a theme here?)
however much garlic you like, chopped, I used 5 cloves
1 shot of tequila (don't waste the sotol!)
2 cups (or so) chicken broth
1/2 a can diced tomatoes (bonus points for Ro-Tel)
1/2 cup corn kernels (please, god, not from a can)
about a cup of cooked turkey, chopped up or torn
avocado, diced (and tossed with lime juice, to keep it green)

1. Insert sotol into cook. Not all at once... just... get that going.

2. Get the first three veggies cooking in the fat over med-high heat. Don't stir too often, so you can maybe get a hint of precious "char." Once the onions are getting soft, toss in the garlic. Stir a lot... don't burn the garlic. After just a minute, pour in about a shot of tequila, to deglaze, or something. If your pot is hot enough, it'll reduce rather quickly. Smells great, though.

3. Add the chicken broth, tomatoes, corn, and turkey. Stir.

4. Add spices, to taste: cumin, coriander, ancho chile powder (or regular chili powder), paprika, salt, pepper. Yum! I used about 1 teaspoon of each spice, no idea how much salt, and 8 grinds of black pepper. Also add about a teaspoon of dried cilantro, or a tablespoon of fresh. Stir. Once it has come up to a simmer again, reduce the heat to low. I simmered mine for as long as it took the pasta (for the kids) to cook. So, um... 30 minutes? Probably doesn't really need that long. Serve it up in bowls and top with the diced avocado.


Real posole is made with hominy, not regular corn kernels. Oh, well.

This is really colorful and pretty and yummy.

Real posole would also have a jalepeno or similar in it. I relied on my ancho chile powder. I can't do super spicy at the moment.

Oh, and if you're wanting dessert, may I suggest a lovely, easy-to-make margarita? Put ice in a glass. Put one shot of tequila, the juice from a wedge of lime, and a generous squirt of agave nectar into something with a good lid (I use an itty bitty plastic storage container.) Shake. Pour over ice and add some club soda or seltzer. Enjoy.

Que Shiraz, Shiraz...

... whatever will be, will be...

Let's all sing!

Actually, let's not. Tonight's blog is about wine. Because I cannot live by food alone.

I like wine. I don't claim to love it, nor do I claim to know much about appreciating it, selecting it, or gods-forbid, collecting it. Wine is not something to collect. We could all be dead tomorrow. Buy it, drink it, enjoy it. There's a good chance we only get one shot at life, so let's live it up.

Alrighty then, why am I talking about it? Because dinner was Leftovers Soup, with gluten-free biscuits that didn't really work out. Nothing to talk about, unless you want a review of Miss Roben's biscuit mix, which I will just quickly say isn't worth your money.

So... on to the wine.

I am too much an amateur to pass such judgments. Technically. But I will anyway. If you get a chance to buy Shiraz from Chile, if you see it on the shelf in the store and wonder to yourself "Self, I wonder if Chile is a good region for Shiraz? Does the climate there draw the proper nuances from soil and grape?" The answer you should give yourself is "No." And walk on down the aisle. Australia does good things with Shiraz. Other places, where it's called Syrah, can be nice.

I had just finished off a bottle of my 'rooster wine', which is a lovely, bargain-priced French red blend. Nothing too bold, goes nicely with everything. Does not challenge the palate. And that's a good thing. It has flavor, don't get me wrong... it's just not a thinking wine. It's a drinking wine. So, I'd just had that when I thought to myself "Self, I wonder what I should drink next?" I poured over my wine cellar (ok, I walked across the room and looked at the wine on top of the bar) and selected this Shiraz. Because I like Shiraz. My so-far favorite reasonably-priced wine of all is a Shiraz-Pinotage blend, the best of both worlds. So, yeah, I know that I like Shiraz.

But not this Shiraz. No, the Castillo de Molina Shiraz is just... too harsh. Too bold. Makes my tongue feel funny. All very snooty wine-appraising terms, I know. I'm not sure what to do with the rest of the bottle. "Cook with it" is my usual answer, but I don't think I want to concentrate these flavors. They're already too-concentrated.

Maybe I'll save it for when I've had too much of something else and don't have many taste buds left.

1st Weekly Iron Chef Mom

KYO NO TEMA... shichimenchou!


So... I recently posted about feeling rather Iron Cheffish after making dinner from crazy leftovers. The Grill Geek thought it'd be fun to take it a step further. Tonight was the first of (hopefully) many Iron Chef Mom episodes, pitting my against the timer and the children. I had beginner's luck- the Little Guy fell asleep on the couch for the whole thing.

First, a brief run-down of the rules:
1) Must be an original recipe that features the "secret ingredient" in some way.
2) Must accept help from any and all "sous chefs" (aka children/husband) or else it wouldn't be Iron Chef MOM, now would it?
3) First attempt is given 90 minutes, second attempt gets 80, and so on. By your fourth episode, you ought to have the hang of it and be able to pull it off in 60 minutes thereafter.
4) Must be a complete, nutritionally-balanced meal. Unlike the TV show, we're not going for total number of entrees. This is real life. Must include something your kids will eat, but the secret ingredient needn't be involved in that.
5) For style points, the kitchen needs to not be utterly trashed when your time is up. That's another Mom element... clean up as you go. At least a little bit.

The Grill Geek got back from the store around 11 am, so I knew my secret ingredient for 8 hours before showtime. I looked up basic preparation techniques, then went through my stash of recipes on the computer (didn't spend hours pouring over actual cookbooks.) I found a recipe for Moroccan Chicken Stew and completely changed it. I think the only ingredient left the same was... um... the cumin. That's what I mean by an "original" recipe. Base it on something else, sure... but make it your own.

Once I knew that my secret ingredient was bone-in split turkey breast, I started getting the idea of a New World theme to the meal. So... this is where that eventually led me:

Getting ready to cook

Bekki's Iron Chef Turkey

Ingredients:

1 Tbsp coconut oil

1 Tbsp bacon fat

1 Tbsp cornstarch

1 tsp cumin

1 tsp coriander

½ tsp paprika

2 tsp chili powder

1 split, bone-in turkey breast

1 small onion, sliced thin

3 cloves garlic, minced or pressed

1 cup chicken stock

1 tsp salt

¼ - ½ cup white rum

½ cup salsa

½ cup corn kernels (frozen are ok)

1 cup cooked pinto beans

blue corn chips

1 fresh heirloom tomato, sliced

prepared collard greens

1. Put cornstarch and spices into a large plastic bag, along with turkey breast, and shake to coat. ("It's Shake N Bake, and I hey-alped!") Get the collards goin'.

2. Heat large dutch oven, add fats, and brown turkey breast on both sides.
Remove turkey, add more oil, if necessary, and sauté onion over medium heat until almost-translucent. Add garlic and stir for 1 minute. Add chicken stock, rum, and salt. Bring to boil and stir in salsa, pintos, and corn. Reduce heat to low, add turkey, cover and simmer for 45 minutes. Remove turkey breast and slice. Stir additional cornstarch into bean mixture, if needed.

3. Arrange cooked collards on plates along with sliced tomato, and bean mixture; arrange turkey on top. Garnish with blue corn chips, serve with a glass of sotol (or bourbon.)

Baked Fish

I love recipes that use leftovers.
Tonight's recipe used leftover rice, which we almost always have. It's nearly impossible to guess the appetites of children. Both kids love rice, and will often go back for seconds. There had better BE seconds. But then sometimes they don't. So then there are leftovers.

I based it, loosely, on an Alton Brown recipe. I have made that one before, following it closely, and it's fabulous. If you can has cheez, do it as Holy Alton says. If not, do it as I says.

Bekki's Baked Fish Dish

3 tablespoons unsalted butter
1/2 medium onion, chopped small
salt... not white
2 cloves garlic, minced
1 (10-ounce package) frozen chopped spinach, thawed and squeezed dry
1 lemon, zested (I used 1/2 tsp of shredded lemongrass... had no lemon)
1/4 teaspoon freshly ground white pepper
1/4 cup white wine (I always use dry vermouth)
1/4 cup chicken broth
4 tilapia (or other white fish) fillets
3 cups leftover cooked rice
Toasted sesame oil and paprika

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees F.

In a medium saute pan over low heat, melt the butter; add the onion and a pinch of salt and sweat until translucent. Add the garlic and continue to cook for another minute. Add the spinach and lemon zest/grass and cook until just heated through. Season with the salt and pepper, wine and broth, and stir to combine. Simmer a little, to reduce the liquid. Remove from the heat and keep warm.

If the fillets are large, cut in half. Season each fillet on both sides with salt and pepper. Divide the spinach mixture evenly among the fillets and roll the fish around the mixture. Place the rice into a 2 1/2-quart casserole dish and spread evenly. Place each roll on top of the rice, seam side down and place in the oven for 25 minutes. Drizzle with toasted sesame oil and sprinkle with a dash or two of paprika before serving.

I didn't roll our fish... just layered it. I was using small Corellware dishes, so The Grill Geek could has his with cheez.

Coupon Rant Catch-up

Am I the only one who is already (only two weeks in) fed up with all the hype about the New Year? Are you improving yourself? Are you on a diet? You should be. We should all be eating low-fat, low-calorie, low-carb, high-fiber, high-soy, high-antioxidant diets. Because that's what we're told. Oh, and don't forget your probiotics. Eat your daily Yo-Custard and you'll be instantly thin and healthy. Don't ask any questions about what's in it, where it came from, how far it was trucked, or what will happen to the cute little individual-sized carton when you're done.

Have you noticed that Yoplait got a makeover? Yeah, now it's hip. It's not Yoplait anymore... that might have been the "yogurt" (if they want to call it that, they can, but...) that your mother ate. No, the cool kids need something better, and that means nothing more than a change in name. Now it's YO. As in "Yo, Tiffany! Have U tried this? It's got 2 B good for U." Or some shit like that. So, eat one for breakfast, on your government-sanctioned race out the door to daycare or cubicle. If you aren't in a hurry, you're helping the terrorists.

At lunchtime, make sure you've packed your Sweet Sue canned Poultry Products. "Eating well never tasted so good!" Oh, yes it did. You know what tastes better than canned factory-farm all-white-meat chicken? Almost everything. If it's really all about convenience, pop a can of wild-caught Alaskan salmon into your lunch bag instead. Ah, but... that has flavor. Icky.

Then, for dinner you can serve up some of the Tyson's Heat 'N Eat Entrees. "Delicious homemade meals with less effort." Um... excuse me... but if it comes to the house in a plastic container, already cooked, it is NOT "homemade." That's home-warmed, perhaps. Call it what it is. And, hey, it comes in new varieties. Let's run out and get some... I've got a dollar-off coupon. Do U?

In the same set of coupons are many for hair color, hair shine-enhancer, foundation, and moisturizer. At the risk of being dull, I'll briefly remind everyone that eating well makes your hair shiny, your skin glowy, and if you eat enough real fats, you don't need to slather on moisturizer. But let's forget all that and just cover up the annoying symptoms of the SAD.

Last week's coupons included one that literally had me yelling. I was almost 'vapor-locked' but managed to work past that and express myself after all.
That's it.
There it is.
The culmination of the Western Diet. The artful combination of food science and technology, conveniently-overpackaged, microwavable, and chemically-enhanced to taste great. Fill that aching emptiness in your gut and your soul with creamy, addictive goodness. Now with Real Meat! You may need to click on the picture, to enlarge it enough that you can see the Real Meat. They are sort of meat sprinkles. Mmmm... meat sprinkles...
Now available in mega packs of 4XL single-servings. How convenient. I predict that they'll add extra calcium, maybe some omega-3s, and possibly even vitamin C within the next couple of years, and then it will be a health product.

Years ago, without even realizing, I took the red pill. I questioned the crap I was being told on TV and in print, I threw out the damn food pyramid and started eating food that really was food. Just because something is edible does not make it food. I'm awake now, learning how to feel good- to really, honestly feel good.
All this crap that's being marketed as food is just so many blue pills, keeping the masses asleep. Doze on, if you wish. It's certainly easier. Enjoy your time as a human battery for the Great American Machine. And, hey, you can get meat sprinkles.