What WOULD Bekki Eat?

Well, I'll start with what I wouldn't eat. I wouldn't eat margarine. Or tofu. Or lowered-fat anything. Olestra is right out. Hydrolyzed, isolated, evaporated, enriched, or chocolate flavored "phood" won't pass these lips.
What will I eat? Real food. Made-at-home food. Food that my great-great-grandmother could have made, if she had the money and the time. And if she hadn't been so busy trick-riding in a most unladylike way.

Thursday, April 3, 2008

Bonus Rant

Microwave-ready steamable rice? Really? Seriously? Did I just see this in my grocery store ad?


Was Uncle Ben's Minute Rice kicking people's asses? Was boiling a pot of water too much like "actual cooking?" Did it take too long? Dirty too many actual dishes? Was it not disposable enough? Was it not something the kids could do for themselves while rocking out on iPods and texting their friends?

W. T. F.

Microwavable steam-packs of white rice.

I admit to loving my rice cooker... it simplifies the task for me, but actually takes a lot longer to cook it. I don't care. I plan ahead. If I didn't have a rice cooker I'd probably just not eat rice as often. If I was really in a pinch, I'd use minute rice. It's fast. Not really healthy, but... it comes in a biodegradable cardboard box and is really easy to make.

But that wasn't good enough for all the lazy-ass "I don't cook", call-for-pizza Americans out there, was it? Nooo....

And then, the clincher... my store (and yes, there's only one where we live, because our city hosts the company headquarters and no other chain can even get a toe in) has these "meal deals" every week. Buy one or two things, get certain other things free. This week you can "save more than $6.88" if you buy Oscar Mayer lunchmeat and Velveeta singles. (Mmm, yummy, plastic!) What wonderful things do you get for free? Crystal Light On the Go (brain tumors never tasted so good), Kraft Easy Mac Cups (I JUST CAN'T even start that rant, OMG), Jell-O Singles Instant Pudding Mix, and Miracle Whip.

Save $7, lose 7 years of your life.

I think I'll pass.


Anonymous said...

That's hysterical Bekki! I agree 100% and I never even cook in our house. The wife does this and loves it. She's gluten-free as well and reads every label when shopping. Anyway, thanks for the laugh. -Shmoo

~~Heidi~~ said...

I have never understood why rice is so hard for people to cook. A rice cooker just seems like one more appliance taking up space in the kitchen. I make complicated rice -- and I use the term complicated very loosely -- but it is sooo good. I first fry dry rice in a pat of butter and while it's frying, I boil the water, then when the water is rolling, toss in the rice, cover, turn on low and let it sit. Voila. Rice. You just double the water to rice ration (2 cups of water to 1 cup of dry rice). It ALWAYS works. For an added kick I'll drop a couple of teaspoons of bouillon in the water.

About Me

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Tejas, United States
I am many things... all at the same time. (No wonder I don't get much done!) I am a wife to a retired infantryman, mother of 3, stocker (and stalker) of the fridge, passionate fan of food, nutrition, ecology, coffee, wine, and college football. I love all things witchy and piratey. I often cook with booze. I feed stray cats. I don't believe in sunscreen. I don't like shoes and really hate socks. And I currently can't eat any gluten, dairy, eggs, soy, coconut(!?), or sodium metabisulfite (aw, shucks, no chemical snackies.) Sometimes even citric acid gets me. But only sometimes.