Sunday Coupon Rant

First, let me apologize for the lack of recipes and actual food, recently. I have been cooking... doubt not. And I have even been taking pictures of my food. I have not been using recipes much lately, as I tend to know how things go together at this point. And I've just not been finding the time to upload the pictures. There has been a rarely-ending chorus of "You wanna play blocks with me? Let's play trains! Look, I made you a cookie, eat it! I wanna watch a movie, you wanna make popcorn? Let's play Hungry Hippos!" And, unfortunately, a common refrain of "my tummy hurts." I'm trying to figure out the cause of that last one.

My rants are, oddly, few this week. Despite already being cranky while looking through the coupons, due to drinking "herbal coffee," I didn't see much fresh material. And I hate to simply repeat myself. However, a couple of things did get my hackles up.

Bob Evans homestyle side dish thingies. "The perfect dinner companions. Everyone could use a little homestyle." Featured in the ad are mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, and macaroni and cheese. Available in your grocer's refrigerated section. Because microwaved mac&cheese singles are too hard? If you're going to eat crap food, where's the line between tacky/premade and yummy/homestyle? The green bean casserole I can understand. Making that from "scratch" is dangerously close to actual cooking. It involves opening at least three cans... can't recall exactly, since I never made it. Mashed potatoes... already prepared from flakes for your convenience. Mmmm... wonder if they use "real" margarine? (Yes, I know that's an oxymoron.) But the macaroni is what made me yell out "that's retarded!" so it wins the place of (dis)honor here. How lazy have people become that they can't even bother to boil water? A true "homestyle" macaroni and cheese is a wonderful thing... the pasta has a bit of bite to it still, resisting the teeth just a touch in true "al dente" style, the cheese sauce is a blend of cheeses with sharp Cheddar as well as softer cheeses, to add creaminess. There are buttery, crunchy crumbs on top, to delight the senses with a variation of textures- chewy, creamy, crunchy. Real macaroni and cheese is a work of art. (And let me just say that I hate all of you who can still eat it.) But this Bob Evans product... this "homestyle" macaroni and cheese... there are no crumbs. The "cheese" probably ends in a "z." And I venture to guess the pasta has no texture whatsover. Don't stir it overmuch, our you'll simply have orange goo.

Second place this week goes to Tyson. I generally leave Tyson alone. Sure they raise franken-chickens in horrendous factory conditions and have forever changed the perception of what chicken tastes like by making it bland and fluid-injected. However, they often have gluten-free options that others don't. So I kinda don't hate them as much as I should. Today I take exception to the big, bold headline on their add for chicken nuggets. (The one disgusting junk food my children don't like!) "Clean plates start here."

WTF?!?!

Last I heard, and I hear it a LOT from every form of news media, American children are fatter than ever. They are developing Type II diabetes in record numbers. They are sicker and more unhappy than ever. It has been accepted theory for years now that "cleaning your plate" has disastrous effects on attitude toward food. It completely numbs the senses toward being able to tell when you're full.
From the rest of the ad, it's clear that they are talking about picky eaters... and believe me, I sympathize with that cause. My children are very selective about what they'll eat. But I decided a long time ago not to make it a battleground. They are in control of their bodies, not me. I also know from experience that food allergies can make people dislike the foods that make them ill. (Ironically, allergies can also cause cravings for the damaging foods, but that's another topic.)

The goal with eating should be nourishment. Hopefully, there is good conversation and a feeling of well-being around the table while eating as well. But the goal is most-definitely NOT a clean plate. That's the dishwasher's job, not the child's.

And finally, as a bonus... I just really had a laugh about this one. The Jerry Springer crowd will be relieved to know that they can now bop over to their neighborhood drugstore for a "Fast. Accurate. Confidential." test to discover just who is the Baby Daddy. Identigene now markets an over-the-counter mail-in test, with results in just 3-5 days.
It gets even better... on the box it says in large letters "DNA Paternity Test." Below that, in itty bitty print: "For Alleged Father, Mother, and Child."
"Alleged"
I love it!!!

Watch out, though... just buying it from the Walgreens, for whatever the shelf price is, isn't enough. Microscopic mouse print lets you know "Additional $119.00 Laboratory Fee Required." Better go donate some plasma to cover that.