Sunday coupon rant is BACK!

Oh. My. God.

What is the world coming to? Just how ridiculous are we going to get? Where is the bottom of the rabbit hole?

Here I was, innocently flipping through the ads in the Sunday paper... not even looking for rant-fodder, when I came across the Petco ad. Normally I would have tossed it directly on the recycle pile, unseen. But, I wondered where a Petco might be 'round here, so it caught my eye.

The next thing that caught my eye was the special announcement in the upper right corner... "Introducing The Dog Whisperer Pet Products." I kid you not. But before I could even summon a half-hearted "OMG, like the dogs tell him what stuff they want?!?" I saw one of the new products.

My jaw dropped. My rant spewed forth.

Fortified bottled water for dogs.

Allow me to repeat myself in case you don't like going back to re-read... it's specially-made bottled water, fortified (with what?) for dogs. Dogs. You know... the same slobbery, fuzzy, butt-sniffing creatures that drink out of toilets. That's some fortified water, if you forgot to flush or haven't cleaned recently.
The same halfwits that joyfully dig for buried snackies in the litterbox.

Fortified bottled water... for dogs. "Specially developed with Cesar Milan and veterinarians to give essential hydration a healthful boost."

Is your doggie lacking in trace minerals? Needs more amino acids? Perhaps he's not getting enough Omega-3s? Fear not, the Dog Whisperer is eager to take your money.

Bottled water. For dogs. Unbelievable.

I forgot to take a picture!

I can't believe I forgot.

Ok, I believe it. I just... I was at the mercy of a late dinner (that smelled REALLY good while cooking) and a second glass of wine (on an empty stomach)... and I flat forgot.

I don't even know what to call this, but it was plate-licking delicious. And I am not kidding. I licked it. I offered my plate to the Grill Geek, but he had already moved on to contentedly digesting.

Bekki's Whatchamacallit

2 large pork sausages, the spicy kind with removable casings. Since they can be removed... remove them. Ew, don't they look weird?
1/2 a large onion, sliced
Some fat... olive oil, bacon or duck fat, whatever

Soften the onions in the fat, then add the crumbled sausage. When the sausage is browned, add:

1 tablespoon tomato paste
1 to 1 1/2 cups sprouted beans and lentils (I didn't measure)
About 2 cups chicken stock (once again, didn't measure... just make sure there's plenty of liquid)

Simmer about 45 minutes. I thought sprouted beans would cook quicker. They didn't seem to. Oh, the torture! But, they finally did cook, and I served the whatchamacallit over rice, with a side of sliced summer squash sauteed in butter.

Food Porn

This is heaven. The pinnacle. Nirvana. The best of foods. And yet... due to the illicit saturated fat content... somehow dirty and forbidden. I love being a nutrition rebel. A food pirate.

Baked chicken, simply basted in it's own fat, sprinkled with sea salt, cracked pepper, and paprika. Not just any chicken, though... a truly pastured chicken. A chicken that actually ran around outside. Not just "free-range" which means essentially nothing. Nope, I saw this chicken's pecking grounds. Collected a fresh egg from one of it's cousins. This was a wonderfully-healthy, bug-eating, sunshine-soaking, clucking-at-the-nearby-cows chicken. And it was delicious.

Then there are the mashed potatoes... locally-grown red taters, with the skin on, mashed with grass-fed cow butter and a bit of chicken stock. The collards are cooked, as all collards should be, with onions that were softened in bacon fat, then simmered in chicken stock until tender. Top with a bit of garlic Tabasco and vinegar... unbelievably delicious, nutrient-dense, good-for-you real food.

Life is good.

Ratatouille

I got eggplant in my local box this week.

I don't like eggplant, I thought.

Fortunately, my Little Guy loves the movie "Ratatouille" and I thought it'd be a hoot to try my hand at the title dish. I'm not sure why I picked this recipe, but... it caught my eye. Perhaps it was the unconventional chart at the bottom.

I wish now that I'd chosen the movie version, as that would have been super cool.

But the first recipe is quite tasty. Very winter stew-ish, despite being all summer veggies. I served mine atop cornbread, since I don't have the option of a crusty baguette. The cornbread was a bit crisp from the super-hot oven, and really worked well. We also had some slow-cooked grassfed chuck roast. Delish!

Black-Eyed Peas

This week, fresh black-eyed peas were in my local box of produce. As silly as it may sound, I had never realized that peas and beans could be eaten... well... fresh. I'd only ever seen them dried. Obviously they don't grow that way, but... well... I'd just never thought it through.

I nibbled one of the fresh peas, and it was delicious! But, I know that phytates are a serious issue with all legumes and grains, so... some cooking was necessary. I should have soaked them first, but didn't think of it in time. Instead, I simmered them in some chicken broth for what seemed like ages, added a dash of garlic Tabasco, and once they were finally soft, tossed them in a pan of collards. We also had some beyond-fabulous local pork sausage, that the Grill Geek graciously grilled (say that five times fast!)

Tequila + Shrimp = Love

I'm back. Did you miss me? I did. I have no excuses for my blog-absence, I hope you all ate well while I was gone. I hope to have plenty of yummy ideas to get your taste buds drooling. Food is always worth the effort!

Tequila Shrimp with Rice

Prep time: 20 minutes (includes cleaning shrimp)
Cook time: 1 hour
Serves 4

scant ¼ cup fat- bacon, coconut oil, olive, whatever
½ large onion, chopped
½ large red bell pepper, chopped
3-4 garlic cloves, thinly sliced
½ pound chorizo, thinly sliced (or pepperoni)
1½ cups canned chopped tomatoes
½ can black beans, drained
¾ cup tequila
1 cup shrimp stock
¾ cup long-grain white rice
½ tsp kosher salt
generous shakes of Hungarian paprika
1 pound medium shrimp, peeled and deveined

• Preheat the oven to 400 degrees

• In a very large, shallow paella pan or skillet, heat fat over medium heat. Add onion, and bell pepper and cook for 4 minutes, stirring occasionally. Add the garlic and chorizo and cook for 1 minute. Add the tomatoes and beans and stir well.

• Increase heat to high and add the tequila, shrimp stock, rice, salt, and paprika and stir well again.

• Add shrimp, mix well, and bake uncovered for 30-40 minutes, or until the shrimp is cooked and the rice has absorbed the liquid. Serve, with a sprinkle of cilantro, if desired.